The Bugsy Chronicles: Bugsy and the Banana Caper

Over the past year of so, we have gotten into the habit of spoiling ourselves by ordering our groceries online and having them delivered to our home. This, in general, has been a rewarding experience. It prevents us from having to travel to the market and slump among the throngs of people doing the same, and also relieves us of the duty of hauling all of our purchases from the store, into our vehicle, out of our vehicle and then into our home. We simply place our order online, and then, hassle free, our groceries effortlessly arrive at our home and are placed upon our dining room table. How wonderful is that?!

Recently, we placed a rather large order and when it arrived, our dining room table was overflowing with bags and bags of grocery items. Among these items was a small bunch of bananas, about three bananas in total. In the chaos of such an enormous load of groceries there were numerous bags placed on the floor until we got everything stored properly in the cupboards.

It took about an hour for my two children (Sparky, my daughter age 12 and G-boy, my son age 9) to somehow, miraculously, cooperate with each other and get everything put away. This in itself is a feat that defies any description. Later that afternoon, I got a hankering for a banana. So I asked G-boy to go and fetch me one. Ten minutes later he comes to me and says that he can't find the bananas. G-boy not being able to find something isn't anything new, it just simply means that his mind is running so fast that his eyes can't get a word in edgewise to tell him that he's seen what he's looking for. With this in mind, I send him back into the kitchen to look again. This is done to no avail. The bananas simply cannot be found.

If you've ever been around children, you KNOW how a minor situation like this can escalate into a chaotic whirling vortex from the netherworld. The Husband says, "Well, I know I ordered bananas, what happened to them?" G-boy says, "I don't know. I saw them in the bag over there on the floor by the table." I ask, (playing "good cop") "Did they accidently get put in the refrigerator with the other fruit?" G-boy goes and looks through the fridge, finding that there is indeed no bananas mixed in with the other fruit. Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today.

At the absolute wrong moment with decidely wrong vocal inflection, Sparky pipes up and puts in her two cents worth. "Did they get thrown out with the empty grocery bags?" This situation is PRIME. The Husband is now virtually helpless against the forces that are now mercilessly begging him to play "bad cop". "I don't know, Sparky. Why would you even think to suggest that the bananas might have gotten thrown out with the grocery bags if you didn't already know this had occurred?" Sparky, now feeling accused of a crime she believes she didn't commit, becomes defensive and slightly snotty. This is a bad move on her part. Things then go from bad to worse all over three insignificant bananas.

Accusations fly that Sparky is lying to cover up a small error, which in our house is a big crime. Seeing that things are getting a bit fired up over a mystery that appears we will never solve, we drop the subject and shake things off, moving on with the rest of our normal daily activities.

The next day I went to work, so I was not home at the time that the mystery was solved. I learned about it second-hand, which in the big picture did not make it any less amusing. Among our other various and veritable zoo of pets is a champange colored ferret named Bugsy. Bugsy is so named because she is a thief. If she can drag it across the floor and stash it away in one of her many hidden treasure troves, it is hers.

It was discovered by G-boy that mysteriously the bananas we thought were tossed out with the trash were indeed the victim of an altogether different crime. They were kidnapped and held captive by the sneaky and professional criminal animal Bugsy for her own nefarious designs. Beaten, battered, bruised, bitten and snacked upon, the abused bodies of the poor innocent bananas were found stashed under the couch no doubt stored there for further snacking.

The evidence was brought before the judge (my Husband), and found to be very compelling, however, the deviant and whiskered weasel Bugsy remains at large within our home. May the powers that be protect us all.

~River, simply being me.